physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize