Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
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There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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