Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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