when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
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i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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