Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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