I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
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I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
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This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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