Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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