Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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