I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize