In the future we'll all be gay
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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