I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize