dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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