im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
soo... how was my night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize