I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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