Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
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someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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