i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I will pee on everything he values.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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