he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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