I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize