Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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