I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
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I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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