Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
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Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
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who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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