I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
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He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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