I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize