if only i could text you this smell
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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