We need to rekindle our bromance
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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