i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
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I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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