my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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