We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
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no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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