drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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