i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize