I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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