i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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