Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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