Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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