Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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