I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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