Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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