Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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