i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
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I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
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Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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