i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize