Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I enjoy the company of your penis
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize