Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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