I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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