Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
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I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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