then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize