I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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