Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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