You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
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I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
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btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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