My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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