Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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